Why I accepted fear in my life
I cried my heart out the other morning. I was feeling so much fear & anxiety, I just couldn’t hold all that energy.
I felt better afterward but I’m still experiencing fear & self-doubt in my life.
There’s nothing actually happening that’s causing it, just my thoughts about what might or might not happen.
But the brain’s fear system responds to imagined threats in a way that’s similar to real threats.
And my brain, in its attempts to protect me from harm, is telling me to run for the hills & spinning all kinds of stories to convince me to do so!
I recently started a new business, in a new industry & sometimes I’m absolutely terrified. I feel like everything I’m doing is wrong & I just made a huge mistake.
The last few mornings I’ve woken up with these thoughts & feelings & it felt awful.
I felt like I should know better, that I should know how to not be fearful & to manage my thoughts better.
I meditated, exercised, played with Raven (my dog), said mantras, talked with friends, read & watched inspiring & funny things, but the fear remained.
I was distressed that I couldn’t shake it, which furthered my fear & self-doubt.
Last week I felt paralyzed by it, limiting my actions because I was feeling so unsure of myself.
I thought something must be wrong or else I wouldn’t be feeling this way.
I thought I should be feeling high energy, confident & excited.
Instead I was frozen in fear & I felt like I was ruining everything.
After I cried out all that energy, I felt calmer & stronger.
I recommitted myself to really living mindfully, which began with simply being aware, without judgment, of what I was experiencing.
It was in that shift of perception that I realized how judgmental I was being over experiencing fear & self-doubt.
I also saw how I was assigning negative meanings to it.
I had been thinking that this situation was different. This was serious. This was work. Fear has no place here.
I was so caught up in what I thought things should be that I lost sight of the importance of accepting what is & working with it, not against it.
I forgot to look for the lesson in every experience, good or bad.
I forgot to trust myself & the process. I thought I knew how this experience should be.
How do I know what I’m supposed to be experiencing right now? I’ve never lived right now before. Where did I come up with what should be?
Truth is, everything I read about stepping outside of your comfort zone & taking risks says you will experience fear & self-doubt frequently. It comes with the territory.
Even armed with this knowledge, I still thought there was something wrong because I was fearful & doubtful. I was being very harsh on myself.
Fixating on that was keeping me from doing what I needed, & wanted, to do.
It was time to redirect my attention – deliberately, consistently & compassionately.
Compassion was definitely needed here.
I decided that instead of trying to release the fear & doubt, I would welcome them as part of the process.
I accepted that feeling fear & self-doubt is a simply a part of things right now, that it doesn’t mean I’m headed for disaster.
I’m scared l because I give a damn about what I’m creating.
I’m scared because I made a major career change & I’m learning & figuring everything out the best I can.
I’m scared because so much is unknown & I really want it all to work out.
That’s why I’m feeling fear & there’s nothing wrong with that.
In fact, there’s everything right about it.
The fear is telling me I’m following my heart.
I’ve never felt fearful like this about work. I’ve been nervous & stressed but never scared.
I’ve also never been passionate about anything the way I am about my new business.
Putting your heart out there & taking risks is scary.
I’m challenging myself & going outside of my comfort zone. Of course, I’m going to feel fear!
So, I’ve decided that fear is my companion right now, showing me how much this matters to me, not that I’m wrong to pursue it.
It’s also teaching me to believe in myself more than I ever have before in my life.
So much of my fear is about possibly failing & what others think.
I made a commitment to myself that I’ll believe in myself no matter what.
The only way I’ll ever truly fail is if I give up on myself. And I have complete control over that.
I could have continued doing what I was doing, secure, bored, uninspired & feeling like life was passing me by.
I still can do that.
I don’t want that. I want this. All of this. Even the fear & the difficulties because that’s a part of creating what I want.
I’m going to stay in the moment, work hard, do my best & appreciate everything that’s happening right now.
Of course, I’ll have to keep reminding myself of this because fear can be tricky.
When you’re aware, you know what you’re thinking & feeling. You can choose the meaning you give things & how you respond with your next conscious thought or action.
Are you experiencing fear around anything in your life right now? If so, have you learned what it has to teach you & how to focus your attention so that it fuels you instead of distracting you?
I’d love to hear from you!
Please share this post if you think it will help someone.
xoxo ~ Katie